The Journey: A Shared Life

CategoriesCompanioning Others, Mentoring Matters by

Finding Your Table: An Invitation to Grow Together

In most of our At the Table blogs, we write for both women and men. But today, I want to speak directly to men—because too many of us have quietly slipped to the sidelines.

Stepping Back Into the Game

I’ve noticed something over years of ministry and mentoring: many men hesitate to join a group, let alone lead one. We hold back, unsure, often with a strange mix of humility and fear.

Some tell me, “I’m not an expert—I don’t know enough.” Others shrug, “I’m still learning myself; I’m not qualified to teach.” Once, I asked a veteran missionary, theologian, and Bible scholar to mentor me. He looked surprised and said, “I’m not capable of that. I need to be mentored by you.”

That moment taught me something: no one ever feels “qualified enough.” And that’s not the point. Many of us grew up in homes where emotion was hidden, pain was buried, and grief was “handled privately.” So when it comes to telling our story—the real one, with scars and losses—we freeze. Some of us still believe it isn’t “manly” to speak honestly about weakness or sorrow. Others feel disqualified by failure or haunted by the mistakes that make us human.

Busyness is how we live in our culture. Some work two jobs; many feel greatly burdened by the responsibilities of job, home, family, and marriage. Some have just adopted busyness as a way of life that becomes our modus operandi, which can justify withdrawal from our own spiritual formation.

And then there are those of us who simply stepped back, telling ourselves, “It’s time for younger men to lead.” But that’s a polite way of saying, “I’m done.”

Let’s be honest: those are excuses. Understandable ones, but still excuses. Read More

CategoriesCompanioning Others, The Art of Dialogue, VP3 happenings by

Better Together

Flying into the Okanagan Valley of British Columbia is special. Dropping down from 30,000 feet over the mountains, the landscape opening up below is a surprise the first time. There are limited options for an approach. I’ve always landed from the north. It’s a bit like threading a geographical needle between small mountains; Okanagan Lake off to the right. So much beauty. And possibility. And lots of VP3 friends.

 

My first VantagePoint3 work assignment on the road was to Kelowna in February 2013. Randy Reese wanted me to meet friends of our ministry. My task was also to celebrate and honor The Journey process alumni in the area. 

 

The VP3 2026 Gathering at Green Bay Camp, October 5-7 on Okanagan Lake, is an opportunity to again convene our many friends in the area and to express VP3’s deep desire to both learn and encourage a more relational way of life and ministry with God and others. 

 

“It is in close relationships with others where we begin to see how Christ is actually, specifically, beautifully active in the fabric of our everyday lives.”

A Mentoring Guide: Christ. Conversation. Companionship. 

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CategoriesCompanioning Others, Encouraging, Spiritual Conversation by

Church for the City

We recently celebrated an event on Whidbey Island called Church for the City.   Perhaps as many as 16 churches gathered on the Oak Harbor waterfront at Windjammer Park. It had something of the feel of an Old Testament sacred assembly: elders and neighbors gathering the people to worship, sing, serve, and remember God’s movement in the life of their community. More than a thousand of us came for worship,  a day of service to our city, and a shared communion service. And, by the way, I got a T-shirt.

Our day called to mind Jeremiah’s letter to the exiles in Babylon:

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare” (Jeremiah 29:7).

The word translated welfare is the Hebrew word shalom – peace, wholeness, well-being, thriving, and resilience. The repetition matters: seek the city’s shalom, because in its shalom you will find your shalom. This was not a letter to people who had freely relocated after looking up housing options on Redfin. They had been carried into exile after defeat by a mighty military empire. Jeremiah’s instructions were not merely surprising; they must have been terribly upsetting. Read More

CategoriesDeep Mentoring, Jesus' Way, VP3 happenings by

Pause, Patience, and Jesus’ Way

What opens us more deeply to growth and faithfulness in Christ? What seems to hinder our formation as persons and communities in Christ? 

I have been pondering Jesus’ way in light of these two questions lately, in preparation for our upcoming VP3 Gathering in Kelowna, October 5-7. If these questions are currently important to you, consider making your way to beautiful British Columbia. Join us and our conversation.  

The element of Jesus’ slow and patient way with others has resurfaced in my mind in the past few weeks. Not by any means new thoughts, but perhaps something of my own pace, driven by my current occupations and preoccupations, has prompted a pause. Slow down. 

Big picture, our cultural preoccupation with speed, efficiency, and control—“Do everything faster!”—leads me to notice Jesus’ unhurried way with others. Our constant search for shortcuts and “getting the biggest bang for our buck” does not condition Jesus as he moves through the world. This slow, patient mentoring unfolds most clearly in the way Jesus treats his disciples.  Read More

CategoriesEncouraging, Equipping Events by

A Word to the Wise: You Are Not Finished

Sometimes At the Table is meant to inspire. It is always meant to invite us more deeply into Scripture and into conversations that matter. But every so often, we also need to be challenged—called to account. Today’s “word to the wise” is one of those moments.

Rich, a mentor of mine when I moved from parish ministry to campus ministry, taught me this lesson well. Only a year or two older than I, he retired before I did—but he did so with an attitude. He helped me reimagine this stage of life not as retirement, but as re-deployment.

At the time of my own re-deployment, I assumed I’d be asked to serve on boards or teach classes on campus—or something like that. Truth be told, I didn’t know what. But one of the best questions a mentor can ask is short and piercing: “What’s next?” It sparks anticipation, stirs curiosity, and invites us to wonder about the season ahead.

In my case, the message was clear: I wasn’t finished. In the Kingdom of God, retirement is never the end of our calling.  Read More

CategoriesCompanioning Others, Spiritual Conversation by

Little Walker’s trip to the boardwalk

A story

Little Walker’s favorite place in the world is the boardwalk in Ocean City, New Jersey. If you have ever been to this boardwalk in the summer, you know the extent of the crowds of people – it is exhilarating. For five-year-old Little Walker, with amusement rides and snacks and so many people, a night spent on the boardwalk was his most favorite thing to do. All day long, he told everyone he encountered, “I am going to the boardwalk tonight!” So when dinner was done, and the dishes were all washed and dried, he headed up to “the boards” with his parents and little sister, his aunt and uncle. Little Walker could barely contain himself as he entered the scene: Ferris wheels and boogie boards and flashing billboards, skateboards and strollers, Steel’s fudge and Mack & Manco’s pizza and Shriver’s saltwater taffy, the sounds of the Atlantic Ocean in the background, and wave upon wave upon wave of people. Absolutely wonderful!

But when he smelled that smell–hot caramel popcorn!–and spotted the Johnson Caramel Popcorn shop (his dad’s favorite place on the boardwalk), and excitedly looked back for his dad, but could not find him or anyone else in his family, the whole scene turned on Little Walker. The lights, the noises, the smells, and the faces all began to press in upon him and terrify him. The excitement was gone. Little Walker was lost.  Read More

CategoriesEncouraging, Spiritual Conversation by

Peace Like a River

Wendy and I found ourselves in a VRBO on Penn Cove in the middle of Whidbey Island. We were wrestling with our future: Where shall we go? Should we make a move back to Washington State? There was uncertainty, sprinkled with more than a little anxiety. 

One evening, as we listened to music, a sea otter showed off its athletic prowess just north of our deck. A song began to play: “It Is Well,” sung by Kristene DiMarco. A version based on a hymn written in 1873. 

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CategoriesMentoring Matters, Spiritual Conversation by

A Pool of Tears

Since COVID, we have known heartbreak, loss, and grief.

We lost our niece Katie to fentanyl. We placed my older brother in hospice care. We sat with friends considering divorce. We grieved alongside others through painful losses of family members and dear friends. We have walked in the darkness.

St. John of the Cross gave us the often-quoted phrase “the dark night of the soul.” His message was clear: we often encounter God in the shadows—in seasons of heartache and heartbreak.

For mentors and mentees alike, that may come as a surprise.

The work of spiritual mentoring embraces our whole story, not just the beautiful sunrise and sunset moments. God meets us in places of sorrow: in Mary Magdalene’s tears beside Jesus’ tomb, in the “valley of the shadow of death” of Psalm 23, and in our groaning as we await redemption (Romans 8). Read More

CategoriesPreparing Your Heart, Spiritual Conversation by

Where are you?

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3:8–9

 

Adam and Eve have just eaten of the tree that God has commanded them not to eat of—perhaps the most disruptive moment in the history of humankind. The story goes on to say that their “eyes were opened” and they became “ashamed of their nakedness.” Then Adam and Eve hear God enter the Garden and immediately they hide in the trees. God calls out to Adam, “Where are you?”

Now what is God asking? Has God lost track of Eve and Adam? Read More

Categoriesindividuals by

A shared life or an isolated life? 

I have found over and over again how hard it is to be truly faithful to Jesus
when I am alone. I need my brothers and sisters to pray with me, to speak with me about the spiritual task at hand, and to challenge me to stay pure in mind, heart, and body.

Fr. Henri Nouwen

The Quiet Drift Toward Isolation

Many of us are startled and saddened by the degree of aloneness we experience in adulthood. We didn’t expect it. From the outside, it seems like family and work and church would provide a vital sense of being known. For many, though, the reality of our demanding lives keeps us skimming across the surface of our relationships. Our intentions for faithful living and service are well-meaning, even noble, but our individualistic approaches prove inadequate to the task. We have consciously or unconsciously sought to make it on our own and have found, over time, our lives desperately lacking, our souls wanting. Sadly, the tale of an individual human life is too often told as a sequence of independent and unshared moments.

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