Since COVID, we have known heartbreak, loss, and grief.
We lost our niece Katie to fentanyl. We placed my older brother in hospice care. We sat with friends considering divorce. We grieved alongside others through painful losses of family members and dear friends. We have walked in the darkness.
St. John of the Cross gave us the often-quoted phrase “the dark night of the soul.” His message was clear: we often encounter God in the shadows—in seasons of heartache and heartbreak.
For mentors and mentees alike, that may come as a surprise.
The work of spiritual mentoring embraces our whole story, not just the beautiful sunrise and sunset moments. God meets us in places of sorrow: in Mary Magdalene’s tears beside Jesus’ tomb, in the “valley of the shadow of death” of Psalm 23, and in our groaning as we await redemption (Romans 8).
Sitting Beside Another’s Tears
As a young pastor, Trevor Hudson—now retired from ministry in South Africa—spent time at Church of the Savior in Washington, D.C. He once asked pastor Gordon Cosby, “Do you have a word for me?”
Cosby replied, “Remember, every person you sit with sits next to their own pool of tears.”
God meets us in those places.
Mentors are not people who have avoided suffering. They are people who have lived through trenches, tears, and heartbreak in their own stories. Because of that, they are not afraid to stand in the darkness with a mentee who courageously shares their suffering.
Jim Houston once said, “Christ always greets us where we are weakest, where we limp, where we groan, in our pain; grace meets us to restore us in our tears.”1
The Courage to Bring Our Whole Story
Many of us today are tired, bruised, and weary in heart, mind, and body. Division in our nation has strained our families and friendships. Communication often feels timid, cautious, or absent altogether.
Mentoring invites both the mentor and the mentee to engage with their stories honestly and fully.
If you have come to believe spirituality exists to keep a smile on your face at all times, this may surprise you.
Jesus invites us to live attentively to all we have been given. All of it.
Some days we walk in the light. On other days, like the ones when fog and the marine layer settle over Whidbey Island, we walk in the dark. Yet we discover, often to our surprise, that God has not left us alone—in sunshine or shadow.
Finding Wonder in the Midst of Pain
One of our Journey group leaders and VP3 board members, Wendy Delcourt, understands this well because she lives with chronic pain. Yet it does not define her.
“My recipe for chronic pain management goes like this: First, get re-amazed by God. Find that thing that ignites your imagination, that gives you life and energy, and then immerse yourself there.” 2
Practice
Who knows the story of your own pool of tears? To whom have you entrusted your grief, sorrow, or pain?
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Keith Anderson, D.Min., is a Faculty Associate for Spirituality and Vocation at VantagePoint3 and President Emeritus of Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. He is the author of several books, including his most recent: On Holy Ground: Your Story of Identity, Belonging and Sacred Purpose (Wipf & Stock, 2024). His other works include Reading Your Life’s Story (IVP, 2016), A Spirituality of Listening (IVP, 2016), and Spiritual Mentoring (IVP, 1999). In his writing, teaching, and mentoring, Keith seeks to set a table for people looking to enter the “amazing inner sanctuary of the soul” in the most ordinary and extraordinary moments of life.
1 James Houston, personal notes.
2 Wendy Delcourt, Shift: Moving Toward God’s Perspective.