“It happened again.”

“It happened again,” were the words with which Richard started his story that day. 

 

He told me how he and his wife had a dinner date over the weekend with another couple from church—“All in all, a less than satisfying dinner conversation.” 

 

Richard elaborated on how he and his wife felt they had asked all the questions, showing interest in their friends, drawing them out, and learning more about the couple’s experiences and perspectives on various topics. Yet their curiosity was never reciprocated; no questions were asked of Richard or his wife, and very little interest in them was expressed by this other couple. 

 

“It all felt like a one-way street of interest,” Richard paused and then continued, “A disappointing but not unfamiliar experience.”

 

These sorts of conversations were sadly all too common, according to Richard. “This same experience is frequent enough,” Richard shared with me,  “that my wife and I have developed a shorthand descriptor for it. When we get back in the car after the meal or when one of us returns from a coffee conversation, either my wife or I say—It happened again.” 

A kind of sadness hung over our mentoring meeting as we discussed how rare it is to encounter someone with a deeply caring and curious presence.  Then Richard quoted a line he had heard from the influential business consultant Jim Collins. 

Everybody is trying to be interesting to us, but the people who have influenced us the most are those who are interested in us. 

“Interested-in-us” kinds of people

A central way we value and care for others is by showing genuine interest in them. My friend Randy Reese often recalled the hospitality of Ebenezer Baptist Church in the small town of Ebenezer, Saskatchewan, near where he grew up. He would tell of one couple in particular who welcomed him and drew him out as a young follower of Jesus,

 

Two senior saints, Connie and Alvin Bohn, were in their seventies at the time. Both had the gift of laughter and hospitality—two exceptional qualities of sainthood. One of my favorite questions I loved to hear them ask was “Are you comin’ over?” It was the question that led to all others and was usually asked on the spur of the moment, hardly ever planned too far in advance. 

 

My life was both ignited and shaped in the Bohn home by the questions they asked, the company they provided, and the encouragement they offered. They were kind enough to share with me what they noticed in me and, from time to time, offered suggestions on what I might need to do to get there. We usually ended our visits with either or both Bohns praying for me and giving thanks for our time together.

 

The Bohns were “interested-in-us” kinds of people. In modest and inviting ways, they offered Randy, then in his early twenties, a place to learn, grow, and feel at home. Their home became a kind of “Jesus’ kingdom visual” for Randy. 

 

We are conditioned to being overlooked and overlooking others in North America. Rarely do we expect someone to be deeply interested in our lives, to be curious about who we are and what matters uniquely to us. But we long for this sort of interest and attention. 

 

Few greater gifts can be given to people in today’s largely anonymous and hurried social reality than an honoring awareness and interest in their particular story and life situation. As we come alongside others, we are invited by God to become living reminders of this startling reality—their life is unique, and it matters deeply to God and to us. 

 

Spirit of God, help us become “interested-in-us” kind of people wherever we are placed… in Jesus’ name.  

 

Reflect:

• Does Richard or Randy’s story surface any memories or experiences in your life? 

• Over the last year, who are the people who have shown deep interest in you? Who have you been seeing or noticing, who have you been showing curiosity and interest in? 

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Robert Loane serves as President of VantagePoint3 Ministries, seeking to both learn and encourage a more relational way of life and ministry. He is co-author of Deep Mentoring: Guiding Others on Their Leadership Journey (IVP, 2012) and A Mentoring Guide: Christ. Conversation. Companionship (VP3, 2019). At the core of his life and work, Rob loves helping people find ways to have better conversations about the things that matter most in their lives.