In a recent blog, Rob (Loane) talked to us about connecting the “answers” with questions. For many years, my work put a grant in our hands that allowed us to develop campus ministry leaders in two ways: leadership practices and spirituality. As a group, we loved times for “shop talk,” when we opened the floor for new ideas, innovations, and methods for spiritual formation on college campuses. The ideas would flow, copious notes would be taken, and many of us returned home with a “plug and play” mentality about what we heard from our peers.
Over time, however, we needed to remember that best practices are “answers” or “responses” to questions that emerged out of local issues, contextual problems, or partial “solutions” in vivo, that is, in life lived on a campus in Indiana, upstate New York, urban LA or Minneapolis, small town Kentucky or metropolitan Dallas. We discovered that “answers” in the form of new programs or practices are not universal but specific to place, setting, staffing, ecclesial identity, and practical movements in the story of the ministry itself.
A new campus pastor might bring something new to the table that a long-time pastor might have tried years before. A large staff team might initiate multiple complex plans that a campus pastor with a part-time assistant could not. Once again, questions matter.
Questions That Stay With Us
After reading Rob’s thoughtful work, I was digging around in some of Henri Nouwen’s writings and was nearly knocked off my feet by a question that caught my eye. As I skimmed the book, the question flashed briefly, but I returned immediately. He asked, “Did becoming older bring me closer to Jesus?” It’s one of those questions you cannot easily ignore or escape if you’re paying attention.
Brennan Manning has another question that has haunted my life as well. He said he believes that God will ultimately ask only one question of us: “Did you believe I love you?” It’s another question that hit me between the eyes. Great questions often come to us that way as a complete surprise or something out of the blue when we’re on our way looking for something else. We used to say in campus ministry, “when we’re in the van on the way to the thing.”
A Question for Our Community
So we’d like to ask something of you. Would you be willing to comment below with a question or two from your life that made you pause and linger, questions that made a great difference in your life over the years? It could be one you heard in a sermon or asked as a mentor. It could be a question you were asked as a mentee, student, or participant in “the thing.” If we can gather enough of your questions, we’ll publish them in a blog as a resource for the At the Table community.
I asked a question of Dr. James Houston, then president of Regent College:
“What have you learned over the past 25 years that, had you known 25 years ago, would have made a true difference over those years?”
It was unplanned, completely spontaneous, and surprised me, but not Dr. Houston. He answered quickly:
“You cannot get back time you’ve lost with your family.”
And then,
“The most important things that have happened to me over the past 25 years happened when I was not “in control,” and I’ve spent most of those years trying to be in control.”
Questions matter.
Please accept our invitation…
What question(s) have made a great difference in your life over the years?
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Keith Anderson, D.Min., is a Faculty Associate for Spirituality and Vocation at VantagePoint3 and President Emeritus of Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. He is the author of several books, including his most recent: On Holy Ground: Your Story of Identity, Belonging and Sacred Purpose (Wipf & Stock, 2024). His other works include Reading Your Life’s Story (IVP, 2016), A Spirituality of Listening (IVP, 2016), and Spiritual Mentoring (IVP, 1999). In his writing, teaching, and mentoring, Keith seeks to set a table for people looking to enter the “amazing inner sanctuary of the soul” in the most ordinary and extraordinary moments of life.
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My mentor from years ago would sometimes…not always…ask me, “Would you tell me something you don’t want to tell me?” It was never a requirement, but always an invitation. That’s often when our conversation moved to that next level and became real.
A question that is re-haunting me lately is this: “What do you REALLY believe as you think about your current daily behaviors and choices?”
WHY NOT ASK?
I still believed there was a place for me in ministry even after two painful pastorates. I was beaten and discouraged spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. Was I being foolish? Did God really have a place for me? I didn’t know. I needed clarity about my ministerial calling and I needed an income to support my family.
One last attempt to discern my calling came through enrollment in the Clinical Pastoral Education program at St Joseph’s Hospital in Tacoma, Washington. When I began the first of 4 units at St Joe’s I was at my weakest spiritually, angry that people of faith had been so dishonest and cruel and doubted myself in every way possible.
The first three units included a 50% salary stipend and offset much of the financial desperation for my family. The stipends, meager savings and additional tuition assistance from my denomination, American Baptist Churches USA, provided basic support. During those three units I gradually began to experience a spiritual renewal and reawakening of hope. I was gaining confidence that I had indeed been called to ministry. However, the trauma of the previous church experience continued to take its toll. My marriage ended and our family suffered. In spite of thinking I had found my place in ministry I felt overwhelmed by life. Self doubt weighed me down.
I considered completing a 4th unit of CPE necessary for my personal and professional growth. But I also needed a job to support my family. I was so close to experiencing my call and supporting my family, but it seemed just beyond my grasp.
During those first units of CPE I applied for a chaplain position in an American Baptist Retirement Community near Seattle. Fortunately through their process I became the leading candidate. Volunteering at the community confirmed the potential of a good fit. My sense of calling was renewed. I dared to hope. However, budget restraints delayed their ability to extend an offer. Uncertainty prevailed.
As the completion of my 3rd unit of CPE approached my resources were exhausted. When that unit ended I would be without reliable income and have no resources for my family or tuition for the 4th unit. I lived with a sense of spiritual and psychological panic.
During an individual session with my CPE supervisor, Rev. Art Schmidt, we discussed the future. I explained my predicament – needing a full time position while also completing my 4th unit. I told him of my desire to be hired full time at the retirement community and still be a participating CPE student. Essentially I wanted each organization to consider me a full time employee/student knowing each would only get half time work for the first three months. After I explained what I wanted Art simply said: “Why not ask?”
Asking for something this important for myself was the furthest option from my mind. I had been beaten down by life, the church and a failed marriage. I did not consider myself worthy of asking for what I wanted. I wasn’t good enough nor deserved such grace.
With great angst I followed Art’s advice. I arranged a luncheon at the hospital with the leaders of the CPE program and the administrators of the retirement community to ask for what I needed: I asked Retirement community administrators to hire me full time knowing for the first three months half my time would be at the hospital at their expense; and then I asked the hospital CPE director to consider me a full time student knowing the hospital would not get 20 hours of weekly pastoral care for patients. After presenting my request I waited for their response. To my surprise the 4 administrators almost immediately looked at one another and simply said, “OKAY.” No debate. No negotiations or questions. Instead, support, grace and encouragement. For the first time in years I felt affirmed and supported. Hope brightened.
Asking for what I needed changed my life. I spent the next 30+ years as the Chaplain, Director of Spiritual Services at that retirement community. After my retirement I continued to serve the community on its Advisory Board for 9 years and informally provide spiritual care to residents, many of whom I had known for years. Over 40 plus years I met and worked with many wonderful team members and residents. All because I was encouraged to ask for what I needed.
When listening to others share their journey and uncertainties about the future, when it is right, I follow Art’s lead from years before, “Why not ask?”
I know not every story will end with life changing results. When we ask we’ll not always get what we want, or what we think best. However, we may also be surprised by the insight, growth, grace and even unimagined new possibilities that come our way, simply by having the courage to ask.
Our spiritual journey will include successes and grace along with uncertainty and failures. When obstacles seem insurmountable one solution may simply be to ask for what we want and need. It could lead to discovering the unimagined life God has in store for us.
Rev. Bill Painter,
Retired